I overheard a conversation the other day where two people were discussing a famous athlete and their humility, or lack thereof. One person appeared to be very enamored with the athlete and their abilities. They felt the athlete had ‘every right” to be proud of and speak on their accomplishments. Especially given their work in the community and how they used their status and income to “give back.”
The other party in the conversation seemed to be very off put by what they perceived as the athlete’s bravado. That person didn’t care about the contributions because the athlete’s personality was so unappealing, it nullified them.
I found the second person’s argument interesting. It didn’t seem to matter what acts of service were performed, what good was being done, or how many people had been helped. What mattered most was how this individual felt whenever they observed the athlete in the limelight. They appeared to believe the athlete should think less of themselves.
The conversation reminded me of how many people used to feel about the late Muhammad Ali. While some people loved the way Ali would taunt his opponents with insults mixed with a dose of wit, humor, and charm, many found his over the top verbal onslaughts to be offensive, boastful, and arrogant. People in this second camp often commented on Ali’s apparent lack of humility. Again, it did not matter to these people what sacrifices Ali made, acts of service he performed, or who he helped. There are plenty of interview clips of people saying, essentially, that Ali should think less of himself. What mattered most was how they, as individuals, felt when they observed Ali’s on camera antics.
This is not an uncommon phenomenon. Many people do not like greatness around them to be “loud,” regardless of where the chatter comes from. And they most definitely find it least appealing when any reminder of that greatness comes from the person who exhibits it. Instead, it is preferred that greatness sneaks up, light footed and with a whisper. Like a suggestion to be agreed with and furthered by those witnessing it. Whereby extraordinary proficiency in a particular area is a thing that can be diminished by healthy yet ill-received confidence, and humility is synonymous with self-deprecation.
The problem with this line of thought is that it tends to teach us that becoming excited, celebrating ourselves, and our accomplishments is somehow narcissistic. And when the people around us discourage our excitement, our perseverance and motivation to achieve can be equally affected.
What Does It Mean To “Be Humble?”
Think about what it means to “be humble.” For most people, thoughts center around the ways in which one should draw attention away from themselves and place it on other people or things; to think less of themselves. It is almost as if there is a sense of shame around accomplishments such that we should dim our light and most certainly not shine it on ourselves. In fact, Webster’s Dictionary definition of humility is to be “free from pride or arrogance.” Many of us often equate that to mean having “a modest or low view of one’s own importance,” not drawing attention to oneself or believing you are always right, essentially thinking less of yourself. Emphasis is placed on somehow actively discouraging attention on self.
But what happens when a person naturally attracts attention by their mere presence? They did nothing to draw attention to themselves, but the way they move about the environment makes people take notice. What about when their skill is obviously on a higher level than those around. When they just happen to be right more than they are wrong, or simply right in a situation when others want them to be wrong? What about those people who seem to have a lot of information about a lot of things. When we have no idea, they seem to have read that book, reviewed that study, saw that expose, or was a part of that event. In those moments, we may feel the same discomfort and wish for them to “tone it down.” In situations like that, requiring those people to “be humble” is less about the intent of humility and more about something else. If we are being “real,” sometimes we are asking less for a healthy dose of humility and more for the person to diminish themselves to make us feel comfortable.
What some people seem to want is for those with extraordinary skill, intelligence or other noteworthy characteristics, to behave in a way as if those characteristics did not develop in part from their own ability to motivate and celebrate themselves when no one else would. And as if those characteristics were not in fact a part of who they are. This desire for a “quiet” greatness appears to be driven by a need for some people to feel more comfortable in the presence of the extraordinary. But diminishing oneself does no good for anyone. It simply deprives us all of the gifts we, and others, have to give the world.
Of course, we have all observed people who could benefit from a healthy dose of humility. When we encounter people who tend to lead with their accomplishments, habitually name drop, or constantly provide credentials, we may begin to believe those people think very highly of themselves and want us to think highly of them as well. Maybe they do. Or maybe their behaviors are rooted in something that has nothing to do with how they view themselves. Nonetheless, we may feel turned off and think the person needs to be more humble.
Humility can help us elevate others by thinking more about them then we do ourselves. However, humility is never about diminishing oneself. It is not about shrinking to make others feel more comfortable. Humility is not about thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less.
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